Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
