Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
