i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
