I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
