there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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