3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
