doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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