im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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