Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
