Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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