Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
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She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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