Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
