Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
