My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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