At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
