I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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