Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
