do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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