I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
