I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
