so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize