Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
