from now on my penis is your penis
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
