she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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