can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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