as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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