Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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