then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
