My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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