I just cut my nipple shaving
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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