you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We are all done wearing pants today
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
