Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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