put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
