Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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