I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
