You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
