You just made me feel so damn special
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
