i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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