Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
