Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
worst night to have a conscience
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
