I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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