Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
