I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
