I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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