There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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