Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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