so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
