he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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