Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
