So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
