we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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