nut hugger
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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