i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
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It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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