I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
