He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
