i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
