I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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