Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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