I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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