I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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