i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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