Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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