i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
