i just made my gag reflex go away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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