i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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