We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
