My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
