dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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