my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
