yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
