I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
