For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
