You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
