We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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