what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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