Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
