i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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