I wish I could punch you in the face.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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