FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
