No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
