whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
